After a smudging ceremony three hours post ingestion I began to feel weightless especially in my chest. My balance was definitely off so I decided to get assistance climbing the stairs up to the bedroom where I would spend the next 24 hours. Blood pressure was checked and I lay down on my back quite comfortably. My assistant put on some ambient music and I closed my eyes.
I have no clear ideal of time I spent there, eyes closed and listening to the calming sounds of the music. I felt calm and quite relaxed but also eager and anxious to see what the Ibogaine had to share with me. Soon colors like deep magenta and dark blue swam on the inside of my eyelids. The colors, seemingly alive and pulsating, became brighter and brighter making the darkness of closed eyes beautiful and visible. As the scene became more visible at least five translucent, mirror skinned caterpillar creatures crawled gently from my peripheral into my forward vision and back into my skull. I got the feeling that they were scouts for the Ibogaine taking an inventory of my psyche. They were gentle and deliberate and didn’t cause any discomfort at all.
The scouts subsided and lines of deep blue and green created grids and lattice revealing a geometric landscape with mountains and shapes previously unseen to me. Here I felt a soaring sensation traveling through this geometric world. The landscape itself seemed to be welcoming me. It felt like the landscape felt I was as beautiful as I thought it was. I don’t know if that makes any sense but the feeling is difficult to articulate in language. The world was in as much awe as I was. Pulsating points of light began to appear at certain intersections of the green and blue lines.
The points of light continued reminding me of pressure points in the geometric landscape. I asked for assistance numerous times to use the bathroom. Walking to the bathroom felt awkward to say the least. I saw layers of color and dimension and felt an electric buzz as I passed through them into the bathroom.
Returning to my position in the bedroom with eyes closed I was again visited by the mirror caterpillars and the points of light and geometric world returned into my vision. Cellular and amoeba creatures began to appear on the individual points of light and those points began to form a circular spiraling. Different animals at different stages of evolution continued to reveal themselves on these points of light. Primates to homosapians spiraled further and further with my extended family and friends closer to the center of the spiral. At the center of the spiral were my nuclear family, my partner, my son and myself. A golden light glowed behind us in one of the sweetest most loving moments I have ever experienced. With a deep drone and hum my family and the entire evolutionary process was ripped away from me and I was naked.
I was utterly alone. There was no geometric landscape, no evolutionary family. Tremendously alone I wept. The feeling of closeness was now of alienation and desolation. Then all the pressure points of light began to swirl from my third eye and Lotus pedals danced on the lining. I was overcome with a sense of familiarity to the whole of life. The spirit and souls of my family and every other life form comforted me and gave an overwhelming sense of joy. A great white essence enveloped myself and the entire geometric world I had visited. I knew that this was the white light of the infinite. The collective soul and perfect color had allowed me to gaze at it. I felt extremely honored and grateful for it and it was here that I faded into a semi dream sleep and when I awoke the visions had subsided. The visions were gone and I felt a hunger to go back to that geometric world of beauty and Oneness. A sorrow overcame me, as I knew that my journey had ended but at the same time I was changed, elated and enlightened. I bid farewell until the next time I am lucky enough to visit that world.
I am looking forward to that time……………..